There are a lot of reasons why you might not feel like sex. They could include stress, work, family responsibilities, pregnancy, illness and even losing a parent.
The key is to get clear on what’s blocking your desire and to talk it through with your partner in a neutral setting.
1. Change your environment
Changing your environment can often help to stimulate sex drive. For example, going to a fancy restaurant or hotel can give people a sense of luxury and excitement that can make them want more sex. It can also be helpful to talk about sexual needs and desires with your partner. This can help you avoid conflict in the future and encourage intimacy in other ways, like kissing or general physical contact.
Sometimes, we don’t feel like having sex because we are tired or burnt out. In this case, it’s important to change your environment and try something new. This can also be a good time to add some variety to your relationship by exploring your own bodies and your partners’, using sex toys, or trying new positions.
It is possible that one partner may have a higher sex drive than the other, which can cause frustration in long-term relationships. However, this doesn’t mean that the person with a lower sex drive is “repressed.” For example, it’s completely fine if a person wants to wait for sex until they are in a committed relationship or if they only want oral sex, anal sex, or BDSM.
2. Change your diet
A healthy diet is the best way to improve your libido. When you’re eating unhealthy foods, it can affect your hormones and cause a decrease in sexual desire.
There are many reasons why you may not feel the need for sex. Maybe you’re so busy with work, caring for children or household chores that sex just isn’t at the top of your priority list. Perhaps you’re feeling unwell, with a cold or flu. Or perhaps you’re suffering from low self-esteem or body image issues, which can put a damper on your mood and inhibit the natural flow of arousal.
Changing your diet can help to improve your libido, as can a regular dose of’me time’ – making sure you take time for yourself away from the demands of everyday life and spend an hour doing something you enjoy. You can also talk to your doctor about the problems you’re experiencing, as there are many medical reasons for a lack of sensation including pelvic surgery such as a hysterectomy, chronic stress, high blood pressure, smoking and certain medications.
3. Change your lifestyle
Many people have to juggle work, family and daily stressors. These can all affect libido. If you or your partner’s libido is low, consider talking to your doctor to see what might be causing it. Changing medications, improving any chronic medical conditions and avoiding known triggers may help.
If you’re struggling to get the fire back, it’s also important to talk openly with your partner. Couples who communicate in a healthy, open way tend to have stronger emotional bonds and better sex. Taking time out for intimacy is also crucial. Scheduling sex in the calendar may sound contrived, but couples who set aside time for sexual intimacy are often more motivated.
If you or your partner is too picky or shy to meet your sex needs, it may be a sign that you need to change your criteria or take some time out of the relationship. You could also try experimenting with new positions and toys to see what turns you on. If all else fails, a therapist or counselor who specializes in mental health can help with underlying issues that are preventing you from having sex.
4. Change your mindset
The first step in changing your mindset is to stop taking rejection personally. When your partner says they aren’t in the mood, it can be difficult to take, but don’t sulk and don’t punish them. Instead, practice self-control and distraction techniques. Distract yourself by getting up and reading a book, playing a game, going out for a drink with friends, or watching your favorite TV shows at a different time of day.
Another way to change your mindset is to avoid overthinking sex. Many people find themselves thinking about sex too much because they have too many expectations. This can lead to a lot of pressure, especially when you are worrying about STIs and pregnancy.
Try to be more aware of when you tend to start thinking about sex, such as during boring bus rides or meetings at work. Then, do something to distract yourself during those times so you don’t dwell on sexual thoughts. It may take some time, but eventually you can break the pattern of overthinking. Also, try not to make sex your primary focus, or it might become too overwhelming and you’ll stop enjoying it.
5. Change your relationship
There are a number of reasons why you might find your partner less interested in sex. They could be having issues with their own body image, or they might have anxiety around sexual intimacy (which is totally normal). They might even have medical conditions that prevent them from participating in sex. Whatever the case may be, it’s important to discuss these things with your partner.
Often, the problem is rooted in other areas of the relationship that aren’t being addressed. These can include work, finances, family and friends. If you address these issues, it’s likely that your partner’s sex drive will return.
If you and your partner are on the same page, it might be time to consider professional therapy. Getting outside support can help you navigate the difficult transition to a sexier relationship. But remember, change takes time, and you might have to take one step forward before you see any progress. So have patience and keep trying! You can do it!