A man’s thoughts after sex can seem confusing. They may be thinking about your feelings for them, but they could also be thinking about other things.
The first thing a guy often thinks after sex is self-congratulation. Sex requires a lot of energy to orgasm, and when it’s over the feeling is similar to that after a workout.
Emotional
There’s a common stereotype that only women get emotional after sex, but that’s not necessarily true. As a study published in the journal Sexual & Marital Therapy found, both men and women can be affected by feelings of sadness or loneliness after intimacy. The phenomenon is called postcoital dysphoria, and it’s more common than you might think.
During sex, a person’s body releases hormones including oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin promotes feelings of bonding and love, while dopamine makes a person feel pleasure. However, these hormones are less effective at the end of a sex session, and that can make people feel sad or lonely afterward. The feeling can also be exacerbated by unresolved issues and emotions from past relationships.
For example, 26-year-old animation student Amber* often feels the urge to cry after sex. “I’ve maybe had sex twice in my entire life without crying afterward,” she tells Mashable. She says that when the feeling hits, it’s a rush of emotion that can be hard to describe. “I feel like I’m so happy, but then my eyes well up and it’s just so overwhelming.” For her, the tears are a reminder of how much she loves her partner. She adds that when she and her partner start fighting, the cries become even stronger. “It’s a constant reminder that we are not in control of the situation.” *Name has been changed for privacy purposes.
Physical
During orgasm, the brain releases neurochemicals that amp up arousal and excitement. When the orgasm is over, though, these chemicals quickly disappear. This is why men (as opposed to women) are often more sleepy after sex. It takes a lot of energy to orgasm, and then the body is ready for a rest.
If he’s not texting you after sex, it’s possible that he doesn’t really feel much for you beyond the physical part of things. Maybe he’s thinking about other girls or even his ex. He’s likely feeling a bit empty because he realized sex isn’t as fulfilling to him as it does for you.
However, if he’s texting you or calling after sex, it’s a good sign that he’s in it for the long haul. He might have a big project coming up the next day, or he just really loves you.
Sexual
Men love to feel good in the bedroom. They have a unique pleasure mechanism in the head of the penis called the clitoris which can cause various sensations when touched.
They can feel a burst of adrenaline when reaching orgasm. Afterward, their brain releases a hormone called prolactin which reduces sexual responses, which may explain why some men become indifferent after sex. This is usually a sign that the experience wasn’t as intense as they had hoped.
After orgasm, men can also experience a sense of sadness and dissatisfaction. This is a normal part of post-coital expression and doesn’t mean that he has lost interest in you or that your relationship is over.
However, it could also be a sign that he doesn’t want to get involved with you in the long run. This is especially true if he only hits you up for sex and makes excuses to not hang out with you otherwise or ghosts you altogether.
He might just be looking for a one-time thrill or something more casual than a full-fledged relationship. It can be hard to tell what he is after, so try to give him some space and make him work for it if you are interested in the connection. Then you can see if he’s worth the chase.
Mental
Despite gender stereotypes, emotional attachment after sex is not only a female experience. Men also form deep bonds with their partners after sexual intimacy, and it is possible for men to become sad or emotional after sex. Whether the feelings are positive or negative depends on the nature of the sex and the relationship. For example, a one-night stand may not result in strong emotions and a close connection, while a long-term committed relationship may foster an emotionally intense bond.
Feeling sad or emotional after sex is completely normal and something most people experience. It is a response to the body’s release of hormones like oxytocin and endorphins. It is important to remember that these feelings are not a sign of weakness or insecurity. Rather, they are a normal response to the excitement and joy that is generated by physical intimacy.
However, if the sadness is severe or persistent, it is essential to seek medical help. There is a condition called postcoital dysphoria that can cause feelings of sadness, depression, anxiety, irritation or aggression, regret or guilt, and numbness or emptiness after sex or masturbation. Symptoms can be triggered by an experience of sexual trauma, poor sleep habits, or an underlying mental illness. PTSD, for example, can cause feelings of sadness or depression after sexual contact because it associates sexual activities with the traumatic memory of assault and abuse.
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