Oral sex is the stimulation of your partner’s vulva, clitoris or penis with your lips and tongue. It can be foreplay or the sensational main event.
It can also be a safe way to have sex because it doesn’t involve skin-to-skin contact (which is how some STIs are transmitted). However, you should still wear a condom if there is a penis involved.
1. Listen to your partner
Just like all forms of sex, oral can be deeply intimate and should be approached with the same level of respect. It’s also a personal choice for both partners and preferences can change day to day. If your partner isn’t in the mood for a lil tongue action, don’t force it—it could turn the experience off for both of you. Instead, use other ways to pleasure her.
For instance, she may enjoy it if you gently kiss and touch the area around her anus including the perineum to arouse her before you start oral anal play. Then you can use your tongue to lick, suck and probe her anus. However, if you’re unsure what her preference is it’s a good idea to ask her. She’ll likely say what turns her on and can help you decide what movements or pressures are right for her.
Communication and consent are key when giving any kind of sex, but it’s especially important when it comes to oral. Be sure to talk with your partner about their comfort levels before you dive below the sheets—and continue to communicate throughout the experience so you can zero in on her pleasure even more. For example, asking her about the pressure and speed you’re using is an excellent way to gauge what works for her.
2. Move your tongue
As with any sexual activity, clear communication and enthusiastic consent are important. You should always ask for, and give, permission before engaging in oral sex with your partner. If you don’t feel like licking his tongue, or vice versa, there are plenty of other ways to pleasure your lover and build intimacy under the sheets.
Men’s genitals aren’t as complicated to stimulate as you might think. There are many places to pleasure him with his tongue—including the head of his penis, his clitoris, and his anus. The head of his penis contains a bundle of nerves and can be teased with circular movements, licking, up & down, and more. The frenulum—the sensitive spot where the head (glans) and shaft meet on the bottom side of the penis—is another great place to put your tongue to work.
If he has a foreskin, you can use your tongue to gently pull on it and then push back with the soft wet padding of your mouth. You can also use your tongue to make a deep erotic kiss on the head of his penis. This creates a delicious sensation and will help your partner learn to associate kissing with orgasm.
Remember to use a condom or a dam if there’s a penis involved, as well as lubrication, when giving oral sex. While spit can feel a lot like lube, it’s actually drying to the genital tissues. Store-bought lube is long-lasting, moisturizing, and safe to ingest—including flavored options for extra fun.
3. Touch her clitoris or penis
Just like any other form of sex, oral sex can lead to sexually transmitted infections (STIs). It is important for both partners to be aware of this possibility and to use barrier methods consistently. This is especially true if the penis or clitoris is used during oral sex because it is possible to spread STIs from the mouth, anal region, or genitals.
Many people, especially women, are hesitant to try oral sex because of negative associations and stigma, but it can be extremely arousing for those who are open to it. It’s also an amazing way to connect and bond with your partner.
One way to make it arousing for both of you is to touch her clitoris, frenulum, or scrotum with your finger before you take her fully into your mouth. Then, lick and kiss it and explore the feel of her clitoris with your tongue. You can even massage the G-spot with a vibrator, as it is known to be highly sensitive.
If he has a penis and wants to experiment with oral sex, you can arouse him by placing his penis on the floor and touching it with your hand before you start to play with it. Or, you can place it inside your mouth and gently move it around to arouse him. Another arousing idea is to tease him with the tip of your tongue and then touch it to his frenulum or scrotum.
4. Use your mouth
Oral sex can be a part of foreplay or a sexual experience all its own. But like any other sexy act, you and your partner will need to work out what feels good for your unique bodies.
As with any form of sex, it’s essential to communicate clearly and consent before you start to play, and that goes for oral sex as well as penetrative sex. And make sure to use a barrier method—a condom for penile play, or a dental dam for mouth-to-vulva or mouth-to-anus play—because just like any other kind of sex, oral sex can transmit STIs, including herpes, gonorrhoea and chlamydia.
For a woman, you can lick, bite and gently probe the area around the clitoris, which has 8,000 nerve endings. Licking and sucking can feel incredibly pleasurable, but don’t go too hard or fast if your partner is close to orgasm; going too quickly might inhibit orgasm altogether, while overstimulation can also deliver an unfulfilling orgasm.
You can also use your lips and cheeks for oral play. Try stroking and kissing her tongue or lips, then move them closer to the anus or clitoris to increase the sensual intensity. Just remember, as with all sexual experiences, sometimes it will take a little bit of practice to work out what feels best for your unique bodies, and sometimes it won’t even lead to climax — but that’s OK.