Phone sex can feel awkward and intimidating, especially if you’re new to it. But with the right techniques, you can turn your kinky phone conversation into an orgasmic experience for both of you.
One of the best things to do is use descriptive language to entice your partner. And don’t be afraid to break out the vibes – a few groans and moans can go a long way.
1. Talk about yourself.
Phone sex can be the perfect opportunity to explore some of your wilder fantasies, like role-playing. But that doesn’t mean you should go all-out right away. Be frank and transparent when it comes to discussing your feelings for each other, Michels says. “This could include a really direct conversation where you straight-up ask if they’re into it, or a more subtle approach with a flirty text that hints at it.”
Give your partner compliments to keep the mood alive and avoid dead air. You can also try using sexually-suggestive verbs to elicit your partner’s imagination, such as touch, caress, stroke, and kiss.
And don’t forget to change up your voice. Find your “dirty talk” voice, which should still sound like you, but sexier and lower in pitch. It’s a good idea to practice this ahead of time, too, so that you feel comfortable with it in the moment.
2. Talk about your fantasies.
When it comes to phone sex, it can be a lot of fun to talk dirty and titillate your partner. But remember, phone sex is just like any other kind of sex; it’s important to make sure you and your partner are both stoked on the idea and comfortable with the conversation.
It may help to ask your partner what types of words or fantasies turn them on (or off) and what names they prefer to use for their most intimate parts. But you can also just straight-up say, “I want to narrate a fantasy and I’m thinking about you,” and see how they respond.
Jess recommends using vivid descriptions to stimulate your partner’s imagination and eroticize the conversation. Describe the way you would touch them, lick them, caress them, or otherwise tease their body over the phone—and don’t forget about the sounds of your voice and their moans and groans to add even more sexiness. But, she warns, don’t go overboard, because that can also be off-putting. It’s best to use the phone sex conversation as a gateway to physical intimacy, and only once you feel comfortable and confident in your boundaries.
3. Talk about what you’re doing to yourself.
Phone sex is a great way to build intimacy and arousal between partners who aren’t in the same physical space. If you want to get extra naughty, try canceling call waiting and talking late at night when you’re less likely to be interrupted. It can also help to create a sexy atmosphere by dimming the lights and playing some sultry music.
You can also turn up the heat by being more descriptive about your actions during phone sex. For example, instead of simply saying “I’m touching myself,” try to be specific about what you’re doing, such as describing the pressure on your body and where you’re feeling it. This kind of detail is especially effective when you’re talking about things that turn you on, like licking or caressing.
Finally, don’t be afraid to give compliments. Everyone loves a good compliment, and it can be an excellent way to break the dead air during a phone sex conversation. Just remember to keep it clean if you’re worried about ruining the mood. For example, you shouldn’t say something that could be taken the wrong way, such as telling your partner how beautiful they look in their underwear.
4. Talk about what you’d like to do to your partner.
Talking about what turns you on over the phone can be fun and intimate. But it’s important to make sure your partner is comfortable with it and doesn’t feel like they’re being put on the spot, says Michels.
If it’s too intimidating to narrate your own fantasies over the phone or come up with a lot of explicit ideas at once, you can always reminisce about something you’ve done together in the past that turned you on. You can also recite an erotic poem or read erotic literature, which can help you get familiar with sexy language and evocative descriptions.
And remember that it’s okay to use open-ended questions over the phone, like “Does this licking and kissing make you want to moan?” The sound of your lover’s voice, their deep breaths, and the sound of them moving can be just as hot over the phone as words. Plus, putting on a little soft music or dimming the lights can add to the atmosphere and set the mood. It can be a great way to feel closer to your long-distance love.
5. Talk about what you’d like to do to your partner.
When it comes to phone sex, everyone’s fantasies are different. So make sure you talk about what turns your partner on and use that to fuel the experience. This might include their favorite sex toys, what kind of sex they enjoy (cumming, oral, orgasm), if they have any fetishes or kinks they want to explore, what their fantasies are about when they imagine being in a sexual encounter, etc.
You should also talk about what you’d like to do to your partner. This is one of the most important things to discuss, especially if you’re in a long-distance relationship or you’ve never tried phone sex before. It’s best to give them a little hint that you’re planning on doing some dirty talk over the phone before you get started, like telling them how much you’ve been thinking about them all day or sending them a link to some written erotica.
That way, you can avoid any awkward moments when you’re trying to describe what you’d like to do to them. Remember that every word you say has an impact on the experience and can help build the tension or break it.
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