It’s easy to assume that sex is often like it’s portrayed in porn or movies. But what does real sex look like?
It can’t be explained in words. Trying to describe it would be like explaining snow to someone who has never seen it before. It’s something you have to experience.
1. Your body isn’t perfect.
Porn tends to focus on the looks of sex, not how it feels. This can lead people to believe that they need to look a certain way in order to enjoy sex. The truth is, sex can be enjoyed by bodies of all shapes and sizes. And there are many different ways to enjoy sex, including oral, anal and vaginal.
Real sex can be sweaty, smelly and pretty gross at times. There may be farting, queefing or other weird stuff going on that you don’t see in porn films. It’s also important to remember that sex is about connection and not performance. That’s why it turns us on when we feel like our partner loves us despite the crappy things that life throws at them. Just think of Shah Rukh Khan gently caressing Rani Mukherjee’s cheeks in Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna.
So don’t worry about your body, and don’t compare yourself to porn stars. The only thing you need to do is find a sexual activity that you and your partner enjoy, and work it out. It’s likely to be more satisfying and enjoyable than just putting yourself through the misery of watching porn. After all, having a “perfect” body can be quite unhealthy, especially when you start to view it as your identity. That’s why it’s important to keep reminding yourself that your body is beautiful in its own unique way, and it doesn’t have to be perfect.
2. You don’t have to be a movie star.
If you have ever watched pornography, you might have heard of a few sex techniques and sexual fantasies. However, porn is a small sample of the entire sex world. Many people find sex much more realistic and intimate than what they see in porn. Whether it’s oral, anal, or finger sex, a couple can still be deeply passionate and intimate.
It’s also important to remember that just because a scene was filmed doesn’t mean it was real sex. In fact, there is a lot of work that goes into making a sex scene look realistic on film. From modesty patches to prosthetic genitals, it’s actually quite complicated to make a sex scene appear natural.
The other thing to keep in mind is that the people in porn will often look very similar, and will have slim bodies. In reality, people come in all shapes and sizes, with varying skin colours and different abilities. No body is perfect, and that’s ok. Everyone deserves to feel good about their body, and sexual pleasure is a great way to do that.
In fact, there have been a few high profile examples of actors having real on-screen sex. Robert Pattinson has admitted to doing real sex on camera, and both Chloe Sevigny and Donald Sutherland have starred in explicit movies. However, it’s not all that common for movie stars to cross the line from simulating sex to having actual sex on screen.
3. You don’t have to be a sexual expert.
Porn depicts a fantasy world of perfectly proportioned bodies, unfaltering sexual functioning and coordinated orgasms without sweat, body odor, queefing and farting. But in real life sex is sweaty, smelly and pretty darn gross at times too, especially during intercourse. There’s also likely to be farting and queefing, and even the occasional poo explosion. But these aspects are edited out of most porn.
Sex can involve anything from kissing to oral sex, penile-vaginal or anal intercourse, or a combination of any of these. It’s a very personal experience for each person, and what feels good to one may not feel good to another. And that’s okay. The key is that both people give consent to participate and are using protection.
To have real sex, you don’t need to be a sexual expert. But you do need to know how to communicate and listen so that you can get what you want, and be safe. And remember that if you are having a difficult time with sex, seek out a trained sex and relationship educator for help. They can teach you techniques and support you through challenges in your relationship. They can also help you understand what normal sex is like and how to have healthy sex.
4. You don’t have to be a movie star.
Many people assume that actors who film sex scenes must be nude for the scenes to be realistic, but that’s not always the case. Some actors, including Kate Winslet and Saoirse Ronan, choose to work out the details of their sex scenes beforehand and mark out their beats (much like how they would map out a dance number). This helps them feel more comfortable when they are in front of the camera and may even help them perform better. Some actors also have intimacy coordinators on set to help them with the more intimate aspects of their sex scenes.
Shooting intimate scenes on a movie or TV show set is not easy. There are a lot of eyes on you, bright lights and the camera is constantly moving around you. In addition to that, the scenes are usually repeated over and over again for multiple angles so that you can pick the best ones in post production. This can take anywhere from a few hours for a short film to more than a full day for a feature. And that’s not even counting the times when you need to reshoot due to weather or technical difficulties.
It’s no wonder that actors often look tired and exhausted during sex scenes on screen. Sex is sweaty and smelly, there are a lot of bodily functions going on and it can be pretty gross at times. It’s also a lot of pressure to perform in front of an audience, especially when you are trying to keep the pace with your co-star or director.